Princess porky pants and her pork pants.
Quite frankly my friends, this should be all you need to know about Bulgaria. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LTLEVC-sfQ
Today I learned something that NO-ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT BULGARIA. I don’t mean to be racist, but fuck those guys… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZlodHgCipk (Also, I look a lot like him when I work out, a little more Britney on the iPod but pretty much the same thing.)
To give you some background, my absent trainer in this gym expedition is our pal Simon. I worked with him last year for a couple of months, as sort of barter for him living on our couch periodically over the last few years. He is a hideous horrible tyrant (picture below) and I hate his guts.
Simon has selfishly moved to South Korea to teach Simonglish (English with a personal touch). If all South Koreans that you meet from now on say ‘Amazing’ or ‘Wang’ at the end of every sentence, he is the reason. In his absence he’s set me a workout that will last four months, and then will send more via the intermanet. The routine is a body’s worth of weight training (12 exercises, 4 sets, 15 reps done in groups of 3) one day and then cardio the next.
Today was day 4 of be a supermodel, thusly it was weight day 2. I got up at 6 so I could have my latte and make my lunch and toddled off to the gym (surely my 15 minute amble to the gym is worth 100 grams of brie???)
I spend the first half hour wondering if anyone is looking at my double ass (where my knickers cut so firmly into the middle of my butt cheek that there are several tiers of cascading ass). I spent the next 15 minutes trying to simply stand on one leg and put a leg up on the bench behind me then when that didn’t work I rolled around on my tummy on a big red ball shouting ‘BACK EXTENSION! BACK EXTENSION!’ in lieu of whatever the fuck a back extension is supposed to be when you’re rolling around the gym on a stupid red ball.
I then had a little stretch, plucked my knickers from tier 3 back up to tier 2 of my ass and went and had a shower.
How hard can this work out thing be? I’ll be a supermodel by Thursday GUARANTEED.
Liz Said,
February 4, 2009 @ 16:21
Double the ass = double the fun, non? That line made me laugh a LOT.
I still haven’t had the courage to hit the uoft gym, so good on you.