Princess of the World

Dear Thinnies.

Things I want you to tell me:

I have a fantastic bottle of 2002 Shiraz that I am much to thin and hungry to appreciate, shall I bring you a glass or would you prefer a straw?

Things I do not want to hear from you:

Oh god, I absolutely must make it to the gym soon. Sara, you’re so diligent! Good on you, god, I just absolutely have to get back there, get cracking and just do it. You know? I’m just so busy. You know? Fantastic. Good on you. Fantastic.

Fuck you.

So you’re thin and you don’t work out? Great. I’ll be sure to sucker punch your genetically gifted mom next time we meet. Furthermore?  You are thin already. I will consider it a personal affront if you decide to start going to the gym.  In fact if you are so inspired by me going to the gym that you get your bony yet contoured ass back there, I reserve the right to stab you in the face repeatedly so you have to move to the basement of an opera house and take organ lessons from your grandma.

If all you thinnies start getting your ass to the gym,you”ll become even thinner and thusly it will become a never ending circle of YOU BEING THINNER THAN ME.  It will keep spinning out of control until you are basically a ghost and I am the BIG FAT GHOST NEXT TO YOU. Selfish much?

So go on, just eat the pie and relax. Hey, LOST is probably on, chill out. You deserve it.