Princess of the World

This morning I went to a very nice young pedorthist at Women’s College Hospital, so he could make me some orthotics. He looked at my feet a bit, then told me to walk up and down a corridor whilst he judged my posture, how I sold the outift and my signature pose at the end of the corridor. He snapped his fingers in the shape of a triangle and said ‘Girl! You look fierce.’ Okay, maybe he only snapped twice. Anyway he said I had some latin thingo and when I said wha? HE SAID I WAS KNOCK KNEED. Wtf? It makes some sense I suppose and you can kinda see it in the shape of my legs, my lower legs are not perfectly straight below my upper legs. Whilst it’s only really the merest hint of hillbilly legs I am basically Kleetus the slack jawed yokel.

Then he made me kneel on a bench and he wiggled and waggled my ankles around a bit and said ‘do you find you trip over a lot?’ … Seriously? There is a medical reason for why I’m so clumsy? That’s FANTASTIC. My ankles are so flibberdy jibberdy that I could go anywhere at ANY TIME. I’m like a ninja. Or one of those big wavy figures that car dealers use outside that have air blowing up in them so they wave and spasm all over the place. Also, if you’re in the area, come to Downtown Toyota for an amazing deal! I’ll be there daily from noon to nine.

Then we stuck my feet in some oasis (like the oasis you put in the bottom of flower arrangements to hold them in place, it’s a really fine foam) and he made casts of my feet. He was fascinated at how high my arches were, and how quickly they collapsed when moved. He even said ‘Wow! They’re like ski hills’ and ran two fingers up and down the arch in the cast we’d just made like his fingers were ski-ing. Things like this add credibility to my assertion that basically, I am doctor.

So in three weeks time I shall have some horrible full length orthotics to stick in my trainers. He has recommended a style of sneaker that has motion control and essentially is like strapping a plank to your foot. A very ugly plank. I will wait to see how the orthotics go in my current, perfectly good, medium support trainers. Having to wait three weeks before I can run again has really put the final nail in the coffin of me doing the 10km run on May 3. I will only have been running for 2 weeks again by that time and it is almost impossible that I’ll be running fit by then. I’m disappointed, not least because I’ve paid for the run AND enlisted a friend to do it with me, so I can’t really back out. I’ll just run/walk it, and try not to be embarrassed at how long it takes me.

Was at the gym 6 days last week. Then drank far too much wine with Jenny and Matt yesterday. Swings and roundabouts my friends. I don’t want to never have fun again (and not drinking and only eating salad is anti-fun, let’s make this perfectly clear), I just have to limit my fun to infrequent. Pinched and humorless folk are fantastically thin I hear.

And that’s it. Back to the gym for me now. After a whole day off I miss the smell that my bra gets after I’ve worked out for an hour. Stink boob. That’s me.

So. I’ve been on hiatus from writing in this thing because I am very lazy. And easily distracted. Squirrels!

Update on Supermodelness:

I was running a lot. Well, three days a week. Seemed like a bloody lot to me. Still not terribly good at it, but I had a black terry toweling sweat band around my head, and I think that counts for quite a lot. I was even following a plan to prepare for my first public run in May. Given I’d never run more than 5km in my entire life, and the 5km run was in Grade 6 AND I came last, I was incredibly proud after my first 5 mile run.

That was a Friday and I gloated to all and sundry for the entire weekend. The next Monday when I hopped on the treadmill, I lasted about 4 minutes before the crippling vice grabbed hold of my right knee and refused to let go. I had a little walk, slowed down my pace (tricky when the only difference between me jogging and walking is the level of flailing about my arms do) and stopped after only half an hour.

My first legitimate sports injury! Hurrah! I guess my knee had been in some pain before but I always assumed it was because fat people should not run UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. This day however my left knee was fine and I knew I had finally reached the ranks of professional athlete, by injury rather than success (but whatever, I can take your scorn, I’m a professional now, I expect your jealousy. Also, I am now sponsored by Kenya, so if you don’t agree, you’re a total racist).

It’s been two and a half weeks now, and I haven’t run since. I do have unlimited physio coverage with my benefits, so went to see a nice lady who took one look at my feet and said ‘oh, you need orthotics’. She did not shout LIKE A TEENAGER at me, but we all knew the subtext.

So off I shall go next Monday to see a pedorthist (Wtf? “Pedorthist” is the most made up name I’ve ever heard) and they will fix me. Truth be told, I miss running. Well, I miss jogging slowly. I have tried to keep up my fitness, using the elliptical which I loathe and doing weights and some classes, but I’m not inspired. I felt so proud of myself for doing something I never thought was possible. And I had the headband. That was pretty inspiring, you know?

Once I have orthotics, my knee bones should stop grinding against my tibia and femuribula (or whatever the fuck is down there) and I should be able to run like Forrest Gump again. It’s also warm here! 16 degrees today! Obviously that won’t last but it’s warm enough to get outside finally, and start my jogging/ having forward propelling seizures in the open air.

I will try to be a bit more regular in my updates. I have so many things to tell you about friends!  I need to tell you about my new hair brained scheme, also about not drinking for a month (that is a boring post, heads up) and how the chubby receptionist at the physio is a total bitch and I am going to fuck her up.*

*The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of Kenya. Look guys, Kenya loves peace! Obviously.

Hi!

Do you have a slow cooker recipe that tastes good (and is possibly healthy as an added bonus)?

We were given a slow cooker and I know y’all swear by them but I can’t make food taste good in them. I can make food taste okay, but there is no magical releasing of flavors or anything remotely like it.

Beans/ egg/ fish/ nuts are tricksy but we can often work around them if the recipe is worth it.

Please help! Email me or comment here and let’s make the party in my mouth. Thanks!