Princess of the World

So. I’ve been on hiatus from writing in this thing because I am very lazy. And easily distracted. Squirrels!

Update on Supermodelness:

I was running a lot. Well, three days a week. Seemed like a bloody lot to me. Still not terribly good at it, but I had a black terry toweling sweat band around my head, and I think that counts for quite a lot. I was even following a plan to prepare for my first public run in May. Given I’d never run more than 5km in my entire life, and the 5km run was in Grade 6 AND I came last, I was incredibly proud after my first 5 mile run.

That was a Friday and I gloated to all and sundry for the entire weekend. The next Monday when I hopped on the treadmill, I lasted about 4 minutes before the crippling vice grabbed hold of my right knee and refused to let go. I had a little walk, slowed down my pace (tricky when the only difference between me jogging and walking is the level of flailing about my arms do) and stopped after only half an hour.

My first legitimate sports injury! Hurrah! I guess my knee had been in some pain before but I always assumed it was because fat people should not run UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. This day however my left knee was fine and I knew I had finally reached the ranks of professional athlete, by injury rather than success (but whatever, I can take your scorn, I’m a professional now, I expect your jealousy. Also, I am now sponsored by Kenya, so if you don’t agree, you’re a total racist).

It’s been two and a half weeks now, and I haven’t run since. I do have unlimited physio coverage with my benefits, so went to see a nice lady who took one look at my feet and said ‘oh, you need orthotics’. She did not shout LIKE A TEENAGER at me, but we all knew the subtext.

So off I shall go next Monday to see a pedorthist (Wtf? “Pedorthist” is the most made up name I’ve ever heard) and they will fix me. Truth be told, I miss running. Well, I miss jogging slowly. I have tried to keep up my fitness, using the elliptical which I loathe and doing weights and some classes, but I’m not inspired. I felt so proud of myself for doing something I never thought was possible. And I had the headband. That was pretty inspiring, you know?

Once I have orthotics, my knee bones should stop grinding against my tibia and femuribula (or whatever the fuck is down there) and I should be able to run like Forrest Gump again. It’s also warm here! 16 degrees today! Obviously that won’t last but it’s warm enough to get outside finally, and start my jogging/ having forward propelling seizures in the open air.

I will try to be a bit more regular in my updates. I have so many things to tell you about friends!  I need to tell you about my new hair brained scheme, also about not drinking for a month (that is a boring post, heads up) and how the chubby receptionist at the physio is a total bitch and I am going to fuck her up.*

*The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of Kenya. Look guys, Kenya loves peace! Obviously.