Princess of the World

I don’t care if you find it outrageous that I can have the February blues having just spent a month in Australia (guys! we got back SIX WHOLE WEEKS AGO, get over it already). It’s true I think. I am sad and mopey for no good reason.

I am getting enough sleep, I am exercising, I haven’t given up wine… so it must be the miserable month. It has been forever since it’s been sunny here, there was really only that one week last September when it was nice – the rest of the year was chilly. I feel far from my family and despondent about how impossible it will ever be for Graeme and I to both be near family. I feel unsure about where my future is going to take me. I feel like getting back to being fit is so hard and my clothes so tight (DAMN YOU AUSTRALIA).

Today a telephone system salesman came calling into work. He was German or Eastern European, I couldn’t quite make it out, very smartly dressed. He was cold calling. Our new office guy told him we had a system and that it was fine. The man asked politely what system it was, nodded and then said ‘Thank you, have a nice day’ and left. He was incredibly polite, not pushy and I felt so sad. I had an image of him going outside and pulling up his collar against the miserable day outside. I imagined him heading into the subway and not getting a seat as rude, fat women with bad hair put their bags filled with polyester walmart clothes on the only empty seats. When he eventually made it home, he would hang his hat and sit at the kitchen table with his shoulders slumped as he wondered how he was going to pay his bills, why life was so hard. Eventually he would sigh and hope that tomorrow is a better day. I hope it is.

So that’s not normal thinking, I can’t cry for everyone or I’ll never be able to leave the house.

I remarked to Jenny that I just want to go live in a village in a beautiful, grey stone house with flowers overflowing from pots. I will bake bread and eat it with freshly churned butter from my neighbour and drink great wine. I wouldn’t mind being fat if I lived in a village. Life would be so easy… But only in my imagination.

That’s all. I’m going to go to bed early so I can get up early, go to the gym and trudge through the middle of the week.

It’ll pass.